If there’s anyone to be grateful to, for getting me to read the newspaper, it’s the istreewala!
Want to know how???
His efforts in folding each of the ironed clothes with a sheet of newspaper inside force me to take a glance at the news before doing away with the sheet! Each morning a sheet comes my way because of the husband that notoriously throws them on the ground instead of the dustbin! So yes, I have PP to thank too!
This morning’s sheet was a laughter riot and I just HAD to write about it! So here’s a blog one month earlier than I promised!
Note: Attention: I do NOT intend to hurt any sentimental or religious values.
English newspaper – Matrimonial ads.
I took the efforts of reading each one of those ads because I was amazed at the details therein and I became greedy for more.. more fodder for laughter*
Have you ever gone through those ads entirely? With full attention to detail! Let me share with you my observations!!
1) Majority of the ads reminded me of my SMS days! Those days when I had a limited pack and had to fill in all the matter in one msg!! No full stop, no comma, no fully formed sentences! Who the hell cares about grammar when you have only 30 words to describe yourself and list your preferences, both in one msg!
2) Patent-worth abbreviations that require talent equally, to create and interpret! For instance;
b’ful, Mum bsd, good l’king, 86 brn wel edu
There’s one that takes the cake! –
‘Pursing PG in Psyco’
I put ‘psyco’ in Google and it had ‘psycho’ and ‘psychopath’ to offer! 😛
3) Excessive usage of arguable adjectives like ‘tall’, ‘fair’ and ‘slim’!! The ones that are purely a matter of opinion! I mean, if you were to ask my mom to write about me, she’d call me slim or malnourished going by her standards. What about the weighing scale that shows 60 then???? ’60’ by no means is slim! Won’t that be cheating??
4) One goes like this: ‘Parents invite alliance from a very respectable family for their educated and well read daughter (Followed by her DOB and height). Boy should be tall, fond of traveling, enjoy books, food and has a sense of humor.’
God save me, I could dissect this one on various levels!
Mentioning her height was so important that they didn’t bother with her educational qualification! Going by the looks of it, education and career are clearly not their priority. Nowhere do they seem to have mentioned those in the preference! Apparently there are more important things than those! Fond of food? Sense of humor? This ad itself was high on humor quotient so I pretty much figured out what level of humor the family is looking out for!!
5) Some you can’t even make sense of! Like this one requiring a boy for re-marriage ended on this note; “Marriage Bureaus excuse.”
Another one seeking alliance had these words; “Early decent marriage”.
Whatever that means!! Who’s going to decode such statements for a first time reader!?
6) Useless information that could result in bride being groom-less!
“Working Girl in Pune MNC, owns house/ car in Chandigarh”.
Why!??? How!!??? Do you really believe this piece of info would help you seek a groom??? What’s the point being in Pune and owning a car in Chandigarh? Besides, house/car? Which one? How will owning a car and no house be of any use!?
7) ‘Elite Wanted’ is to be read as ‘C.A. Wanted’. Basically they’re on a hunt for someone their Balance Sheet can ‘Live Happily Ever After’ with! What else am I to assume if their ad only glorifies their financial position with words like Good net worth, Turnover in crores, Financially sound!!???
Last but not the least, definitely not the least..
Just when I was about to toss it away after having decided I’d had enough of humor (at the cost of these ads) and my conscience was beginning to prick, something on this very paper caught my attention!
Written in one of the smallest available font sizes under ‘Times Soulmate’ were the words;
Love finds it’s match. (It’s????????????)
I died.
Cheers!!
C.A.: Confused Aquarian 