1) The Mountain Is ON You
Transforming everything into self-sabotage. Why we do it, when we do it, and how a mother CANNOT stop doing IT.
Doing what? Getting guilty!
A mother is born carrying the weight of mom-guilt on her bosom. No child, no God can move the mountain, such is the weight of it.
Baby constipated today?
– “Must be the brownie from day before yesterday or the pizza I gobbled up a week ago. Why can’t I ever control my cravings!?”
Baby rolled down from the bed while I was busy making his food?
– “I should have got the food ready earlier/ I should have kept more pillows by his side/ I should have put him on a mat on the floor/ I should have been FLASH.”
Baby not responding when I called out to him?
– “Must be the loud tone that I used on him when I lost my cool! My family is right, I am a loudspeaker! What if it affects his hearing?”
(This serious doubt has made me paranoid so many times that I’m guilty of putting his hearing to test using various instruments; his favourite rattle, a drum, the cooker whistle, the mixer! He turned out fine except for one problem;
My thunderous voice got passed on to both the kids. Now when I order them to reduce their volume, I BECOME A HYPOCRITE!)
2) Sometimes you win, sometimes you become VIN
Life’s greatest lessons are gained from HAIR losses
- When your toddler treats your hair as a Mumbai Local grab-handle when he’s about to fall,
- When your toddler enjoys a game of tug of war with your hair as a rope,
- When you’re lying down and your toddler likes to walk over your hair as his red carpet,
And if that’s not all, his antics are enough to make YOU want to pull your hair out!
3) Icky-guy
The toddler secret to a messy life
Icky-guy loosely translates to ‘the happiness of always being yucky’ and is centred around that toddler whose true purpose in life is to find and explore messy, sticky and dark places, smash food on the bed/ floor/ walls, stuff half-eaten chocolates in places you will not wish to search and then put his finger up his nostril!
4) When Kids Don’t Go Your Way
non-ZEN-s wisdom for Difficult Children
Remember that the greatest stories are not the ones where everything goes smoothly, as expected;
In fact, the wildest and whackiest child makes for the most epic stories.
Don’t take parenting coaches so seriously that you feel guilty after every action! Remember that their child’s entire life is their biggest experiment! I love how some coaches give the most bizarre suggestions that shake the entire foundation of a typical Indian household parenting!
For example: Ignore the child while he’s having a tantrum, Do not falsely threaten the child to leave him behind alone, Do not discuss bad behaviour after a fight! Are you kidding me?
“You’re a good boy na? Come on now! Stop crying/ eat your food/ Put on that T-shirt/ give me a kiss/ etc etc; I’ll give you a chocolate!”
“If you don’t finish your food/ If you don’t get ready in the next five minutes/ If you don’t stop watching TV/ If you do that thing one more time, we’re all leaving and you can stay home!”
“I am going to switch off the TV/ phone if you don’t open your mouth and eat your food!” (Who offered screen time while eating? The parent!)
“Why did you do it?? Why? Why? Tell me why! The nation wants to know!”
5) The WIFE That’s Waiting
The wife that’s been waiting all this time, for you to arrive.
The wife that is really yours. The wife you arrive to the end of day with tired eyes and a full heart. The wife that you are proud of. The wife that you actually want. The wife that is gently (so not!) asking you to let go (of work) and see it.
Wait a second. See what???? The mess and the kids!! Because?
TAG, YOU’RE IT!
6) Who Moved My CheeZe?
An A-maze-ing way to deal with change in your home.
Specs missing? Phone missing? When you have a toddler at home, there is no guarantee where you will find stuff.
There was once a time we left no stone unturned in the great hunt for our TV remote. Cupboards, drawers, toy boxes, under the bed, the drainage hole, everywhere. Yet there was one place we did not bother looking because it was not remotely possible that he would dump it there. We were wrong. Days later it dawned upon us that his secret place had been the dustbin.
7) DO epic SHIT
3 relationships that define almost everything that happens to us with kids in our lives
The relationship we have with their Poop
The relationship we have with their inability to Poop (constipation)
The relationship we have with their inability to stop Poop (constant-motion)
8) Atomic(bomb) Habits
Tiny creatures, remarkable explosions
A far-from-easy and proven way to build good resilience to break bad tantrums
- Never challenge/ provoke a hungry or/ and sleep deprived bomb
- Try to ensure the bomb does not get on your nerves (This one takes years to master, yet at times we falter!)
- Never use sarcasm on a tired bomb
- Always feed the bomb when it is relaxed and resting
- Always drag the bomb to sleep upon receiving the earliest sign even if it means you’ll be the first to doze off!
The level of energy released by one single tantrum can easily blow up Ma! No offence to Hiroshima!
9) The (F)art of saying NO
How to Stand Your Ground, Reclaim Your Time and Energy, Refuse to be Taken for Granted (With feeling major Mom-guilt), yet get no result!
Telling a toddler NO is the easiest thing that comes to a mother.
Getting the toddler to listen to her is an art that takes her forever to master!
NO! DON’T CLIMB UP THE SOFA,
NO! DON’T PUT THAT IN YOUR MOUTH!,
NO! DON’T WRITE ON THE WALL!,
NO! DON’T PUT YOUR HEAD IN THE WASHING MACHINE!,
NO! DON’T TOUCH THE HOT PAN!, etc etc.
You are most likely to do the following to make the NO more effective:
– Give them a death stare – the universal mom stare
– You could do the “Aaaaaa!” and sound like a desi goat,
– You could wrestle and throw them into their room (while you stand out and cry for them and yourself)
– You could use the occasional thrash/ bash/ pinch (though when dad uses this, he becomes the villain in the eyes of the saviour mother!)
– You could cancel their screen time (this almost always results in another meltdown)
do whatever you will but kids ‘know’ how to ignore the NO.
I can’t decide if it’s hilarious or heart-breaking when you realise that your list matches with that of a mother living in some remote land! My point is that you will never be able to show off that your kid (especially second one!) and your problems are unique. Nope! Been there, done that!
10) Be THEIR Future Self Now
The signs of UN-intentional transformation
Two kids later, I have come to realise just how much one fact/ act is underestimated – Children learn by imitation!
And who better to imitate than a mother?
– I bite my nails while reading to him
Result: I see my son’s finger heading toward his mouth
– I have this habit of making up the most random songs, especially with silly rhymes! (Funnily, I got this from my mom!)
Result: My older one does the same throughout the day! And the lyrics of these songs often include the words fart and poop because what’s more exciting to a child, right!?
– I have this habit of using earbuds to itch my ear and when I don’t find one at the right time, I’m guilty of using a nail filer.
Result: My mother-in-law once caught my younger one trying to put a bobby hair pin into his ear!
– Multi-tasking in a mother’s life looks like this:
- The water for their bath is overflowing,
- The veggies in the pan are burning,
- The mashed banana on the floor needs cleaning
- The eggs on the table are about to roll down
- There is someone at the door who needs an OTP
AND The kids are screaming for my attention!
I throw the spatula in my hand on the kitchen platform and respond with a not so pleasant “WHAT DO YOU WANT!?”
Result: His toy is not working the way he wanted/ his T-shirt is not going over his head/ the lid on his pen won’t come off, so what does he do? THROW!
Note: There’s no such thing as a perfect parent! There’s no such thing as right/ wrong parenting. No matter what we do, how we do, we will judge and be judged! Just enjoy, go with the flow and learn from every experience! 🙂
Cheers!!!
C.A.: Confused Aquarian 