The awakening…

Independence is here!!!!!
Temporarily.
No, maybe not.
My head won’t let me live in peace.
Pass????????? Fail??????????
I think.. I pray… I choose the second finger hoping that’s the ‘PASS’ one!
My own fingers.
I put down chits. Hundreds of them. Only they don’t read ‘He loves me’… ‘He loves me not’.
I use numbers and arrive at various possibilities.
Didn’t I always hold that I was weak at solving probability sums?
Wasn’t that one of the reasons I chose CA over MBA?

Hahaha!!! May 17th is here! I’m done with my exams.. For now!
My head is dizzy from those wonderful hours of sleep that I sacrificed.
The good thing out of this ordeal is the satisfaction that I did justice to the exams. Yes, for the first time in these years.
Oh wait, guilt is something you can’t get rid of. “If only I had…” This infamous sentence never lets one be in peace and in CA this sentence will sentence you to death, in the form of a second attempt!
So, there were parts of the portion I couldn’t complete because I was saturated and because I’m human but ICAI outdoes Murphy! I mean, it knows precisely what to throw into the question paper! You’ve got the point, I’m certain of that!
The lady at the parlor washing my hair, post exams, exclaimed “Sneha, Look at the hair you’re losing!!” I just laughed and told her that it wasn’t without reason that every second CA is bald!
Okay, I exaggerate. I am often told so. Why don’t you check for yourself then!? I’m not saying every bald person is a CA but I am very sure that every other CA complains of a receding hairline!
Time for confession.
This attempt changed the way I see this course. No no, I’m not saying I like it so much that I’ll go advising everyone to sign up for it! It’s only that the desperation to quit this course has vanished. It’s replaced with an urge to get done with these exams as soon as I can. Wanting to quit isn’t easy either. The decision weighs a lot more than you think but when I think of the years I have invested in this course, I feel it’s not worth it to step back. I’m no quitter and this attempt succeeded in changing my mind!
That’s the realisation that’s been knocked into me. It’s all in the mind! If you want to get something done, nothing is going to help you till you decide to help yourself! Oh, I’m very philosophical, I can preach but practice, not easy.
From personal experience with this attempt, I know how changing mind can be a turn around! It wasn’t over night. I was frustrated with losing out on the November attempt by 11 marks. I didn’t want to study the same portion again. None of it excited me.
With a lot of motivational lectures and support from my parents, in-laws, husband and certain people who exist only to cheer me up I changed my mind. It wasn’t for absence of their support that I didn’t clear the last attempt. I’ll tell you what was missing. My dedication. My wanting to pass.
This time I decided. I made my mind. To fight this course. To pass. Even if I don’t pass, I know now I won’t be dejected. I was sincere with my efforts.

Dear CA,
Make me bald if you want
Quit and back out, I shan’t
If you’re stubborn, so am I
Look at me, eye to eye..
What you’ll see is a fire,
A strong one burning out of desire!
If you’re the Golden Snitch
Then I’m Harry James Potter
I won’t rest till I catch hold of you.